The Adversary's Plan

Growing up can be confusing. I watch my little ones and hope that the obstacles I faced will not be similar obstacles in their own lives. I hope they pick new obstacles, for none of us can really hope to grow without conflict.

"And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet— "D&C 29:39

"In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: God also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him." Ecclesiastes 7:14

I was privileged to enjoy an afternoon with a good friend. She shared with me the happenings in her life; the good, the bad, the ugly. The argument with her sister seem to give her the most trouble and concern. This prompted a discussion about the challenges we face as our children grow and become adolescents and adults. She expressed concern that her sister was holding on to tight, increasing her "grip", as her teens entered into early adulthood. I wondered aloud if this could be her sisters fear of letting go. She responded that she felt it was more than that, she felt that her sister wanted control over her kids and that she justified it by saying that their eternal salvation was at stake.

That's a hard one to discuss with a parent. I didn't have an answer. I offered that we could venture back to college and ask our favorite professor....(she and I met in college and have the same degree.) She smiled. She knows this gentleman in her personal life. Fortuitous thing. He is in the Stake Presidency and in fact, she had inquired of him if he had any advice. He is a tremendous, insightful individual and he is a therapist and a teaches at the University level.

I was curious what he had to say and she relayed this story. He was working with a couple some years ago in private practice. This couple was having problems with one of their teenage sons. They had taken very invasive action. They restricted his coming and going, monitored his friends, supervised many of his activities and didn't allow him a lot of unsupervised time. I commented at this point in the story and said it sounded more like a steel straight jacket. My friend laughed and said that I needed to hear what the therapist/professor suggested. These parents, like many of us, were concerned for this child's eternal salvation. He ask them to consider one thing, what would the adversary do? What was the adversary's plan?

I smiled at this point, I knew the end of the story. The parents finally understood that they needed to allow the walls to come down. They needed to be more flexible, for the adversary's plan in the pre-exsistence was to make all the choices and decisions for us. "Leave all the glory to me", he said. The Lord saw different, "let them decide, and leave all the glory to them."

I can't anticipate what troubles my children will face, but I pray that I can be strong and flexible and be their lighthouse. I know they will make decisions that I do not like. Some may even frighten and worry me, but I have to believe that I have lead them well and given them the right tools to make the best decisions. The Lord has given us free agency, I have to trust Him.

I'll keep praying. And, I try to remember that backseat driver....